I am not used to feeling everything this intensely. I guess every time I had a mildly uncomfortable thought my tendency was to bury mmyself in alcohol and nicotine, so when I manage to show a little bit of restraint, it’s like a rainbow of sensation. It feels like the outer protective layer of every nerve has been scraped off, so now I just receive direct, overwhelming input from my senses.
I can overcome this, my desire to be a good person, and my faith that it is, in fact, possible for me to improve myself, is waxing again. I don’t feel so much despair in my deficiency. Instead it seems like reality might be worth sticking around for. Adventures are starting to sound appealing again. Just grabbing a plane ticket and a suitcase and heading for a lugar desconocido. Yes, that was a good time. It had it’s ups and downs but that’s what gives life it’s juice.
Maybe my nerves can take it again. Maybe I am not so fragile.
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